Couples Counselling in Kelowna
For two people who keep landing in the same argument and cannot find the way out. Using Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), the couples form of IFS, to slow the cycle and help you hear each other again.
The same fight, on a loop
Most couples who come to me are not falling apart. They are stuck. The same argument keeps starting from a different aspect each time, but it ends in the same place. You each know your lines. You can feel it coming and still cannot stop it. Underneath the surface of the fight, the dishes, the money, the tone, the old wound, something more tender is getting touched, and it flares before either of you can catch it.
IFIO is the couples version of Internal Family Systems, and it is the heart of how I work with two people. Rather than refereeing the argument or deciding who is right, I help each of you slow down enough to notice what is really happening inside you the moment the fight begins.
The turn that changes everything is learning to speak for your parts instead of from them. Speaking from a part sounds like the old attack: sharp, certain, aimed. Speaking for it sounds more like, "when you said that, a part of me felt small, which was uncomfortable, so another part got loud." One keeps the cycle spinning. The other lets your partner finally see what is underneath, and understand it (be moved by it).
Something quietly powerful tends to happen along the way. When one of you does a piece of inner work while the other simply witnesses it, the witnessing partner comes to understand you differently. What they know about you shifts, and the relationship shifts with it, even when only one person was speaking.
IFIO is uncommon in the Okanagan, and it is training I sought out deliberately, alongside years of couples work. Broken trust and infidelity were the focus of my early research and a good part of my practice since, so if that is what brought you here, this is familiar ground.
What working together looks like
We begin with a free 15 minute consultation to see whether we fit. First sessions for couples run a little longer, around 85 minutes, so there is room to really hear you both. From there, sessions are usually weekly while things settle, then space out at a pace that suits you.
One thing worth knowing: couples work often goes better when each of you also has your own individual support, so the shared session time stays focused on the two of you. If you are already working with someone on your own, that is a strength here, not a complication.
Whether IFIO is the right fit
IFIO works best when you both have some steady ground to stand on. It is not crisis intervention. If your relationship is in acute crisis, I usually begin with other tools I am trained in, Emotion Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method, and bring IFIO in once the ground is firmer.
Sessions, location, and coverage
Sessions are available in person at my Kelowna office and online across British Columbia. I am a Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC) with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. Though counselling is not covered by MSP, many extended health plans cover it, and my services qualify for Pacific Blue Cross and Sunlife.
Current couples fees and coverage details are on the FAQ. See fees and FAQ.
Book a free 15 minute consultation
If the same cycle keeps occurring, a short conversation is the place to start. We can talk about what is happening between you and whether I am the right person to help. No pressure, no commitment.